Selling Congressional Seats on Ebay

April 25, 2009

No matter which way the wind blows, the United States Congress always profits financially. Why do “We the People”continue to pay salaries plus expenses to our “elected for life” public servants? Should not these little gods and godlings pay us for the privilege to enrich themselves while playacting at “public service?” Let’s auction off their mighty and powerful positions of Senator and Congressman to the highest bidder! Apparently, Governors already do it. Why shouldn’t we do it? After-all, we are still the “We” in “We the People,” aren’t we?

Pols Gone Wild!

The Congressional tentacles of our high and mighty “servants of the People,” our elected godlings, are tenaciously entwined into the shroud of our financial demise. The latest example is Senator Diane Feinstein who saw to it that her husband’s company was awarded the exclusive rights to sell the government’s foreclosed homes of “We the People.”Senator Feinstein saw to it that $25 billion of the American taxpayers’ bailout went to pay that nice little real estate commission to her own husband. Why not keep it all in the family? $25 Billion of the Bailout to the Feinsteins. After all, that’s what politicos have been trained to do – take care of “Number One.” And “Number One” ain’t no stinking “We the People,” you can bet. That’s okay – Senator Feinstein is not the only one to do it. Look at Congressman Barney Frank.

Congressman Barney Frank was willing to let the entire American financial system go down the tubes, see retirees lose their pensions, see millions of Americans lose their homes, so that he and his lover could live like the pompous godlings they really are. The Love Triangle the Destroyed a Nation’s Financial System.

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Obama and the Pirates

April 9, 2009

Obama and the Pirates Pirates have commandeered an American-flagged (NOT Liberian) container ship off the coast of Somalia. This story is true (you are NOT reading “The Onion”) as it has been reported by Al Jazeera News. The 21st century swash-bucklers have kidnapped the ship’s captain, an American, and are holding him hostage, just in case the U.S. Navy contemplates any of those Cowboy tactics left over from the George W. Bush reign.

President Barack Obama has once again referred to this latest national disaster as one that he inherited. However, Obama did not blame the pirates’ uprising on his usual scapegoat, George W. Bush. Obama explained to fawning American news outlets that these Swashbucklers of the High Seas were inherited directly from former President Thomas Jefferson, who obviously failed to quell the piracy problem during his own War on Terror: “Jefferson’s War.”

For more than 200 years, that dead white President, Thomas Jefferson, has been given credit for successfully swashbuckling the Barbary Pirates, giving birth to the United States Navy for that mission, and creating a pep song for the US Marines about “the Shores of Tripoli,” President Obama revealed. He continued: “those dead white historians got it all wrong! The swashbuckling evil buccaneers continue to cruise high on the high seas, and Thomas Jefferson’s failure has been dropped at my doorstep on Pennsylvania Avenue more than 200 years later.” The adoring White House Press Corps swooned.

The United States Marines performed with honor at the first war proclaimed by our new nation. In 1801, when Thomas Jefferson became president, he refused to accede to the Barbary pirates of Tripoli’s demands for an immediate payment of $225,000 and an annual payment of $25,000. This refusal brought about the first ‘war’ the U.S. would fight as a country. The first line of the Marine hymn, ‘from the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli’, references the 600-mile march across the Libyan Desert of a group of Navy men and others to capture the port city of Derna, Tripoli. It took a concerted effort by England, France, Spain, and the United States to end over 400 years of Muslim piracy on the Barbary Coast.” (“Happy Birthday Marines” by Edna Barney)

Obama continued his explanation. “Thomas Jefferson had his chance to contain piracy when this nation was young, and he failed miserably, as seen by these man-made disasters now terrorizing shipping lanes on the high seas. Jefferson even instigated a war with those North African Islamic potentates whose modern lands are known today as Algeria, Libya, Morocco, and Tunisia, which is more proof for America and the world, that gains won by force do not endure. It was up to America’s Founding Fathers to secure free navigation of the seas for the new United States of America, and their posterity, which is ME, and they punted” complained Obama. “This is one more ‘inherited’ problem that the country is now depending on me to solve, which I will as soon as I can escape the glow of the glory of my European tour.”

I’ve had my historians researching ancient history to find the root problem of today’s Somalian piracy. They discovered that these “man-made disasters” we are experiencing today all stem directly from a meeting in London in March of 1785, between American founding fathers, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams and Ambassador Abd Al-Rahman of Tripoli. The Founding Fathers inquired of the ‘Mussulman’ Ambassador for the reason that the Barbary states were impeding American ships, pirating their cargo and enslaving their crews and passengers. Ambassador Abd Al-Rahman gave the answer to America’s illustrious Founders, but they were absolutely tone-deaf to the ‘Mussulman’s’ words:”

“It was written in the Koran, that all Nations who should not have acknowledged their authority were sinners, that it was their right and duty to make war upon whoever they could find and to make Slaves of all they could take as prisoners, and that every Mussulman who should be slain in battle was sure to go to Paradise.” ~Ambassador Abd Al-Rahman of Tripoli to John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, London, 1785.

Hillary Clinton, the US secretary of state, has expressed concern and called upon the world to “come together to end the scourge of piracy.” (Good Luck on that one, Hillary.) President Barack Obama reassured Americans that with his new leadership skills the country will be able to resolve this historic first time boarding by pirates of an American ship. He has already promised that, unlike his predecessor Thomas Jefferson, America under Barack Obama will never wage war on any Muslim nation. We are a nation of laws, and if our lawyers find that these man-made pirates have broken any international laws, we will prosecute them to the fullest extent in whatever world court they find agreeable to their cultural mores. In addition, Barack Obama has dispatched a special communique to the Somalian Pirate King reminding him that America’s president is now a “brother.” All those dead white American presidents and founding fathers, are just that – dead white men!

Yes – It’s Satire, but it’s still true!


U.S. Takeover by Cyberspies

April 8, 2009

“If we go to war with them, they will try to turn them on,” — Government official to Wall Street  Journal

New evidence has just been uncovered that cyberspies, likely from China and Russia, have penetrated the U.S. power grid and left behind spyware software that can be activated to disrupt America’s water, sewer and electricity infrastructure, FOX News confirmed today.

The “intrusions,” first reported by The Wall Street Journal, did not occur yesterday, but happened over the period of time when George W. Bush was in charge, a high-ranking U.S. official said. The breaches are “something that the Bush Administration failed to catch,” the official reminded FOX News. Barack Obama himself was asked by the American media if Americans should be concerned that the spyware that Mr. Obama inherited from George W. Bush could be activated during Obama’s reign to disrupt critical systems and make his administration appear inept.

White House spokesman Nick Shapiro said in a written statement that President Obama takes the issue of cyber security ‘very seriously,’ but that the administration is not aware of any such ‘disruptions’ to the power grid. Cyber attacks are made all the time, however, industry continuously looks for and mitigates against such attacks and we are not aware of any disruptions to the power grid caused by deliberate cyber activity here in the United States.

While the motivation for the breaches is not well understood, the electronic trail appears to lead to China and Russia. However, both of those nations deny involvement in state-sponsored cyperspying. Officials at both Washington embassies of China and Russia emphatically deny that any of their spies in the United States are certified as cyperspies.

The good news, according to The Wall Street Journal, is that the cyperspying espionage appeared pervasive across the country and did not target any particular ethnic group nor sexual persuasion. Indeed, government officials explained to the Journal, the cyberspying intrusions were detected by those same U.S. intelligence agencies, CIA, DIA, NSA, etcetera, that had been asleep at the wheel during the Bush administration, when “man-made disaster” pilots were flying American-made airplanes into American-made buildings.

“‘If we go to war with them, they will try to turn them on,’ one official told the Journal.” That is why the Obama Administration has already sent a message to both China and Russia, promising that the Obama Nation will NEVER wage war against either of their nations. China, Russia, the rest of the world, and the American people need to be reassured that President Barack Obama will never be a President George W. Bush.

Satire is probably closer to the truth than any real news you can read in America.