Another Bush Pardon – This One Riles the Republicans.
In response to the carping of Democrats over his non-pardon of White House aide Scooter Libby, President George Bush has “turned the tables” on the Dems and pardoned the Impeachment of President Bill Clinton. Bush went even further than anyone expected by pardoning both Bill and Hillary Clinton for the 140 pardons that Clinton signed on his last day in the White House.
“I want to be known as the ‘Pardoning’ President”, Bush explained at a press conference announcing this unexpected turn of events. “If I can pardon illegal aliens for breaking the laws of our country, then certainly I can pardon one former president for doing likewise. Afterall, I am a Christian and so is he and our faith teaches us to ‘turn the other cheek.’ I am pardoning both Clintons for their Presidential pardons and I am pardoning them for being hypocrites also. I am just a pardoning kinda guy.”
“Never again will my predecessor have to endure the indignity of being addressed as the ‘impeached Former President.’ And never again will my press secretary and my remaining fifteen Republican supporters be able to refer to the Clintons as hypocrites for condemning my non-pardon when they committed 140 pardons themselves on their very last day in office.”
“I’m President now and I am granting Bill Clinton a full and complete Presidential Pardon. Not only will I grant the pardon to Bill, I will grant a pardon to his gracious and lovely wife Hillary, as well. I wish them Godspeed in their self-righteous quest to begin a new Clinton dynasty in America. May their daughter Chelsea follow their footsteps in service to our nation. For this reason I am pardoning Hillary Clinton for her eight years as co-president so there will be no Constitutional hindrance whatsoever to her serving another eight years once she is officially elected to the U.S. Presidency.”
SIGNED: George W. Bush
Pardoner President of the United States of America