The Half Baked Lobster

Science to the Rescue!

Whole Foods Market is admitting they are reconsidering their ban on selling live lobsters, as these latest clawed creatures arrive from the ocean deep already cooked nice and red on one side. No more is there need of the boiling water bath torment that has been the plight of our clawed friends in more barbarous times.

After stopping all sales of live crustaceans at their upscale grocery chain, Whole Foods continued selling frozen raw and cooked lobster products. Vice president of quality standards at Whole Foods Market, Margaret Wittenberg, explained that the snooty chain had extracted solemn blood oaths from all of its lobster suppliers guaranteeing they were performing humane treatment in the handling and processing of the lobster meat and byproducts – or else. There was no explanation exactly how the suppliers accomplished such humane treatment of what are basically – insects.

As reported in the “Texas Herald News” of 16 June 2006, she said “Whole Foods leaders will reconsider their decision if they become convinced it is possible to ensure lobsters and crabs are treated humanely throughout the supply chain.” Well, Ms. Wittenberg, it seems that time has now come.

After devouring the cooked side of these delectable crustaceans, one can do whatever one feels is appropriate with the other “uncooked” side, such as toss it on the grill, or in the lobster stew pot, or as Whole Foods Market self-righteously does – freeze it.

This is a win-win all around! No more torturing lobsters in order to eat them and the “Half Baksters”, as they are known, will fit right in with the “fast food” mentality of today’s consumer. The next step say scientists is to develop the “shell-less” lobster. Imagine that; from the lobster boat to the lobster bun, with no middle man. There will be McLobster Shacks opening up all over the Northeast.

Good eating to ya. Thanks to Whole Foods Markets for allowing us to see the humor of self-righteousness and “ruffles & flourishes” to the Yahoo! News, story from Bar Harbor, Maine that provided the picture and inspiration.